It's Often Hard Being Wanted By Everyone
by willwrite4fics
Summary: Gosh, that's a terrible title. Entry for the Short Story Speed Writing Challenge. My first use of Marya(I think), so I hope it's not terrible. What could be worse than the arrival of Marya? Nothing, maybe!


Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Sometimes being the officer in charge means making really hard choices.

I do hope this one is okay, because not only was I rushed trying to write it today but I've never used Marya.

* * *

Schultz came bursting into the barracks without warning, making everyone scramble a bit to hide a few items they shouldn't have and a few bites of things that Schultz would want to eat.

"Schultz, you should knock first!" LeBeau came up to fuss at the guard and distract him from where Kinch was hiding a small radio. "You can't just come running into our barracks! It's rude!"

Schultz looked down at him and puffed out an exasperated breath. "I am here to get Colonel Hogan and also to bring Kinchloe, Carter, Newkirk and you to the kommandant's office right away!" He motioned towards the door. "So I have to bring all of you right now. Raus, quickly. We cannot keep the kommandant waiting."

Hogan tugged his leather jacket into place. "What's up Schultz, come on, you can tell us." He moved up next to the big German guard. "Why does Klink want all of us in there?"

"Because, Colonel Hogan..." Schultz seemed impatient but he could see everyone getting ready. " _That_ woman is here again with a very important general and she wants all of you to go with them and Colonel Klink said that he will call you in to tell you."

Hogan's face had gone still. "What woman?"

Before Schultz could even answer, there was a voice from the opening barracks door. "Hogan! Darling! It is me, Marya! Fly to me, darling! I am yours!" The voluptuous Russian beauty posed in the open doorway. "I have come to you again."

LeBeau scooted over to gaze adoringly up at her. "And me, oui?"

"Of course, my lovely small one." Marya purred at him and watched him melt happily. Patting his cheek fondly, she slid across the room to the nervous Hogan. "I am here with the general on important business and you can help me. Don't hate me Hogan, darling but I had to tell him about how resourceful you are."

Hogan tried to move away from her but she clung to his neck. "Marya… why are you here? Why can't you go bother someone else for a change?" He was worried. The Russian always brought trouble. It was always trouble he had to dance his way out of with a supreme effort. For all of her posing, Marya was far from stupid. She always had a plan and it usually involved dragging Hogan, however unwilling, into trouble with her.

A German general with a great deal of decoration on his uniform stalked in, frowning at where Marya was hanging on Hogan's chest. "Marya, my dear, a prisoner of war barracks is hardly a proper place for you. Let us take these prisoners and go."

Klink finally arrived behind them. "Please, herr general we can discuss this in my office." He tried an uneasy smile. "I am certain that Colonel Hogan can help you here in the stalag without leaving, he is a Luftwaffe prisoner. The camp is very secure! We have never had an escape from Stalag 13!"

The POWs had scattered to stand to the side at a semblance of attention when the unfamiliar German officer had entered. Now they looked from one person to another as if watching a tennis match. Hogan shifted uneasily, trying to slip away from the Russian unsuccessfully. "Well, Kommandant Klink does have the final say, after all, he is the kommandant and we are just helpless prisoners..."

Marya purred happily. "Yes but Hogan, we do have authorization from dear Hermann… you will enjoy the time, I promise you." She nuzzled his chin. "We can be together."

The general humphed. "At any rate, we are authorized to remove prisoners. We will have these taken to the truck right away."

Klink began to waffle. "But herr general, I must protest, I assure you that I would love to work with you and your top secret project but I do have to have written authorization from General Burkhalter in order to allow the transfer of prisoners out of Stalag 13. Without that authorization I cannot allow Colonel Hogan or his men to be removed."

Marya protested. "But Colonel Hogan will agree to work with us, da?"

Hogan protested that in his turn, trying to gain control over the disaster. "Colonel Hogan will agree to anything, nyet! I'm not working with the Germans!"

Frowning, the general barked out an order and unfamiliar guards crowded into the room and began herding Hogan's men out. "I do not require agreement. I require results."

Hogan tried to argue. "If we don't cooperate, then whatever results you want are a moot point."

As the POWs were shuffled out at gunpoint, Klink objected, although he moved out of the way. "You cannot take my prisoners, they belong to the Luftwaffe!" At the withering glare from the general, he shrank away. "It would be my head if I were to allow the removal of POWs, herr general."

Hogan extracted himself from Marya's grasp to follow his men outside. "Leave them alone! You can't take POWs out of camp!" He had no idea what sort of scheme Marya had or what this German wanted them for but he wasn't going along with any of it until he knew what was happening. "Stop! You're not taking my men and none of us are cooperating with any of this!"

As he exited the barracks, he very nearly ran over Major Hochstetter who glared up at him. "What is this man doing here!?"

Hogan backtracked a few steps then sidled sideways out of the way. He saw his men lined up beside a large truck, looking between the German troops holding guns on them to the newly arrived Gestapo officers also holding guns on them. "Well, it IS my barracks, Major Hochstetter, where else would I be?"

The major glared at him and then turned his glare on the general and Klink when they followed Hogan out. "I am here to arrest this man and all of his men along with him. He is a threat to the Third Reich and I will prove it and he will confess."

Klink dithered, standing slightly between the two powers. "Gentlemen… gentlemen… please, no one can remove Luftwaffe prisoners from my Luftstalag without General Burkhalter's approval and so none of this matters and I'm certain that we can work out whatever issues there are." He held out his hands to Hochstetter. "We always are happy to cooperate with the Gestapo, of course, Major..."

Hogan quipped from the side, moving slowly to stand nearer to his men. "Speak for yourself. Cooperating with the Gestapo is rarely a goal of any Allied personnel. It's also usually painful."

Marya slunk out and plastered herself onto her general. "But we have authorization from the highest authorities in all of Germany. We do not have to allow the Gestapo thugs to take our prisoners." Her hand languidly indicated Hogan. "Hogan will obviously choose to cooperate with us, rather than with any Gestapo pigs."

Hogan froze in place as all eyes turned to him. He'd made it to stand in front of his men. "Well, I seem to be caught between the devil and the deep blue sea here." His eyes drifted between Hochsetter's glare and Marya's sultry gaze.

From behind him came a soft entreaty. "Pick Marya, mon colonel, she would never steer us wrong."

"Louis, shut up."

"I'd rather go with her than Hochstetter, that's for sure, boy! I mean sir."

"I agree, let's go with Marya..." Kinch finished up the conversation in low tones. "Not to second guess any decision you make, sir, but Marya is probably less likely to string us up by our thumbs."

"Bloody 'ell, last time I was in Gestapo headquarters, they 'ad ruddy branding irons. I say trust the lady."

Hogan took a deep breath in. His men were right. Marya always had crazy schemes but they usually managed to get out of it in the end. Hochstetter was usually ready to shoot anyone who opposed him and he had an irrational hatred of Hogan… even if all of his suspicions of their operations were true…

"I'm thinking… I'm thinking!" He looked at the simpering Marya with all of her curves. "Can't I have a few minutes to decide?"

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End

It IS a hard decision. Not for LeBeau, but definitely for Hogan.


End file.
